Compassionate listening

Last week in my weekly meditation class, I brought up the old definition of meditation that I think many people find very helpful:
“Prayer is talking to God, meditation is listening to God”
If our mind is talking to itself all the time, how are we going to be able to listen to the intuitive wisdom, or the “still small voice” of our spiritual self as it offers us advice, support and consolation in our life’s journey?
So, listening in a reflective, meditative manner is important for this reason. It is also important as a practise for helping us to develop our compassionate and ethical heart when dealing with other people. If, when we are with others we consciously quieten our mind and really attend to what they are saying, they will notice and appreciate what we are doing for them. There is a book by Michael Ende called “Momo” that is about this power of listening. Momo is a little girl who is able to heal all those who come to her simply by deeply and attentively listening to the stories that they tell her about their life.
The second aspect of really listening to people is that we will really see where they are coming from, and so be much more likely to act in ways that are appropriate and helpful to both them and us. As a result our basic practise of ethics or positive action will improve.

So, when you are with others, try and see your listening to them as a meditation, it will help both them and you!
I want to end this article by outlining three ways NOT to listen that I had drummed into me during my Tibetan Buddhist training, using the anlalogy of a pot:

Don’t be like an upturned pot
An upturned pot cannot receive any liquid into itself. Similarly, when we are with others, if we are not really listening, we are like an upturned pot, they are talking, but nothing is going in!
Don’t be like a leaky pot
A pot with a leak cannot not hold what it liquid, it is useless. If we are not really paying attention, even if we hear what is being said, it simply “goes in one ear and out of the other” so to speak!
Don’t be like a bad smelling pot
You pour fresh juice into a dirty and bad smelling pot the fresh liquid becomes contaminated instantly. Similarly, if we are listening to someone, and there is a continuous negative inner commentary going on in our mind, this poisons everything that we are hearing. As George Michael once said (was it the title of one of his albums?) “Listen without prejudice”

© Toby Ouvry 2010, you are welcome to use this article, but you MUST obtain Toby’s permission first, and cite Toby as the author.

Related articles:
30 Second methods for developing your compassionate heart and ethical intelligence technique 1: Breathing with your compassionate role model

Experimental ethics; strengthening your compassionate and ethical heart through personal experience